Cheating is choice; Not a mistake

Cheating is a Choice, Not a Mistake: Embrace Your Strength and Move Forward

This week, we delve into the painful and complex topic of cheating and betrayal. Only a few couples seem to remain truly in love and intact, untouched by issues or third parties. Sadly, many of us have experienced the agony of betrayal in relationships.

Let’s focus on the wives and mothers. When these women discover their husbands’ affairs, they endure a series of tormenting phases. It’s easy for outsiders to say, “You deserve more, leave him,” without considering the many factors at play: the children, the family, the properties, the marriage itself (especially since divorce is not an option in the Philippines and annulment is extremely expensive), and the emotional and mental toll on the women who deeply love their husbands. Initially, they may go through denial and self-blame, and they will often do everything in their power to keep the family together. It’s usually the women who bear the brunt, showing incredible strength and selflessness, sometimes even pretending they don’t know about the affair.

In some cases, it’s the wife who cheats, but societal sexism often makes it easier for men to leave.

Two remarkable women in my life have faced such betrayal. They are dedicated working mothers who rarely post anything on social media. Instead, they devote themselves to their households and have loved their husbands wholeheartedly. Yet, their husbands have cheated repeatedly. These women have even had to beg to keep their families intact, only to find their husbands willing to abandon them for their mistresses. This kind of pain, the uncertainty, and the relentless question of “What will happen to our children?” is devastating.

As someone who has survived and chosen to become a single mom, my message to these women is: It’s okay not to be okay. Grieve, feel the hurt, and don’t pretend everything is fine. Some may choose to stay and continue loving their husbands, and that’s not necessarily wrong. However, if respect is gone—not just for you as a woman, a wife, and a mother, but as a person—then it’s not worth staying. Prioritize yourself. Forgive yourself and take your time to heal. Don’t seek revenge; it won’t bring you peace. Focus on becoming a better version of yourself, setting boundaries, and never settling for less.

The pain a mother faces when her husband repeatedly cheats is beyond words. It’s a deep, soul-crushing agony that permeates every aspect of her life. The betrayal is not just a personal affront; it’s an attack on the very foundation of her family. Every act of infidelity shatters her trust a little more, leaving her to pick up the pieces while still trying to be the rock for her children. The emotional toll is immense, as she wrestles with feelings of inadequacy, self-blame, and a profound sense of loss. She might even question her worth and wonder what she did wrong to deserve such treatment.

Adding to this torment is the presence of narcissistic husbands, especially those who earn less than their wives. These men often project their insecurities onto their spouses, using manipulation and control to maintain a sense of superiority. They may belittle their wives’ achievements, gaslight them into doubting their reality, and make them feel guilty for being more successful. For these women, the betrayal is twofold: not only do they endure the pain of infidelity, but they also suffer under the weight of emotional abuse.

To these women, I say: You are not alone. You are not to blame. Your worth is not defined by a man who cannot appreciate your value. Stand tall, reclaim your power, and remember that you deserve respect and love. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who uplift you. Seek professional help if needed, to navigate the complex emotions and rebuild your confidence.

Recover your strengths, work hard to achieve more, and build a stronger relationship with your children. They will be your greatest source of strength. Engage in activities you love. Travel, even if it’s just a simple staycation or a day trip to a nearby island. Treat yourself to a spa day, a massage, or a movie date with your kids. Today’s children are more perceptive than we often realize. They will understand and support you, valuing your happiness above all.

Remember, cheating is not a mistake; it’s a decision. If a man chooses to be with someone else despite you giving him your all, he doesn’t deserve you. Love yourself more than anything else. Don’t beg for his attention or try to fit into his world. You are powerful beyond measure. Being a mom, a wife, and having a career makes you unstoppable. You don’t need a man who can’t meet the bare minimum. Embrace your strength, and move forward with confidence and grace. Your journey may be long and arduous, but you are stronger than you know. Every step you take towards healing is a testament to your resilience. Embrace the love of your children, cherish the moments of joy, and allow yourself to dream again. The road to recovery is not easy, but with each passing day, you will find your strength, your voice, and your peace.