"Happy Children, Not Successful Children" – A Paradigm Shift in Parenting

"As parents, our goal should be 'Happy Children, and Not Successful Children.'"

These words from Ms. Dimples Romana’s latest interview with Ms. Karen Davila struck a deep chord in me. As parents, we often get caught up in society’s expectations of success. We push ourselves—and our kids—to meet these benchmarks without pausing to ask: Are they happy? What if, instead of striving to raise "successful" children by societal standards, we focused on raising happy ones?

A Celebration of Joy

When my son turned 18 recently, we celebrated in a way that truly reflected his personality and preferences—no grand party or flashy event. Instead, it was a quiet evening with his favorite food and an anime marathon that stretched until sunrise. It wasn’t a milestone celebration that would make it to a glossy social media post, but it was perfect for him.

This simple celebration reminded me that success doesn’t have to be loud or flashy. It can be as quiet as a smile, a shared laugh, or a moment of contentment. But this clarity didn’t come easily—it was a journey shaped by lessons my children taught me along the way.

When My Kids Told Me, “We’re Not Normal, and That’s Okay”

There was a time when I struggled with the pressure to conform. I’d see other families achieving traditional milestones—graduating with honors, excelling in sports, family reunions—and feel a pang of inadequacy. I’d wonder if I was failing my kids because I couldn’t give them the same opportunities or experiences.

One day, my children sat me down and said something that forever changed my perspective:

"Mom, we’re not a normal family—and that’s okay. We don’t need to be like everyone else to be happy. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing enough."

Those words were a revelation. I realized I was holding onto a definition of success that wasn’t ours to begin with. My kids didn’t need trophies, titles, or societal approval to feel fulfilled. What they needed was my love, support, and understanding of who they are as individuals.

The Toxic Cycle of Forcing Success

It’s easy to fall into the trap of forcing our children to fit our definition of success—because it’s often rooted in what society values: high-paying careers, prestigious titles, academic excellence, or material achievements.

But when we push our children into these molds, we risk overlooking their unique talents, dreams, and passions. We send the message that their worth is tied to achievements instead of who they are. Over time, this pressure can lead to burnout, resentment, and even strained relationships.

As parents, it’s natural to want the best for our kids. But the best isn’t always the same as what we want. Our children are individuals with their own paths to discover. It’s not our job to dictate their journey but to walk alongside them, offering guidance and unconditional love.

The True Meaning of Success

Happiness and success are not mutually exclusive. In fact, happiness is often the foundation of true success. A child who feels supported and understood is more likely to thrive because they’re motivated by joy, not fear of failure.

Dimples Romana beautifully captured this in her interview, emphasizing the importance of preparing children for life—not by chasing accolades but by nurturing their sense of self-worth and fulfillment.

Advice for Parents

If you’re feeling the weight of comparison or struggling with the pressure to raise “successful” kids, here are some insights that might help:

1. Redefine Success
   Success doesn’t have to mean trophies, titles, or accolades. It can mean raising kind, resilient, and happy children who know how to navigate life with confidence and empathy.

2. Let Them Be Themselves
   Pay attention to your child’s passions and interests. Support their dreams, even if they don’t align with traditional expectations.

3. Prioritize Emotional Well-Being
   Happiness isn’t a byproduct of success—it’s a cornerstone. Focus on fostering a safe and loving environment where your child feels valued for who they are.

4. Break the Cycle of Comparison
   Social media and societal norms can make us feel like we’re not enough. Remember, every family is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for raising kids.

5. Celebrate Small Wins
   Success doesn’t always come in big, flashy moments. Cherish the small victories—whether it’s a shared laugh, a creative project, or simply seeing your child at peace.

6. Teach Them to Find Their Own Path
   Guide your kids to define their own version of success. Encourage them to explore their interests, make mistakes, and learn from their experiences.

The Role of Parents in a Changing World

In traditional Filipino families, success often comes with a rigid checklist: a good job, a house, a car, a respectable title. These expectations can weigh heavily on both parents and children. But as the world evolves, so must our approach to parenting.

It’s time to let go of the pressure to conform and embrace a mindset that prioritizes happiness and individuality. By doing so, we give our children the freedom to explore their passions, discover their strengths, and create lives that bring them joy.

A Call to Action

This perspective is why I’m so excited about MOMCON2024: Call to Connect. With Dimples Romana as one of the moderators, this groundbreaking event will tackle the most pressing issues parents face today—from mental health to education, financial wellness, and more.

Let’s come together to learn, grow, and support one another as we navigate the beautiful, messy journey of parenthood. Together, we can raise a generation of happy, self-assured individuals who define success on their own terms.

Let’s stop forcing our kids—and ourselves—into boxes that don’t fit. Let’s start embracing happiness as the ultimate goal, knowing that it’s the foundation for a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Mark your calendars for MOMCON2024 and join us as we explore a new way of parenting. Get your tickets now and use MOTHERBOSSFORMOMCON to get a special rate.

Because happy children are not just the goal—they’re the greatest success of all.